I’m currently doing the 12-step program Celebrate Recovery offers. It’s actually my third time. Every time I do there’s always something more that God can work on with me.
We’re dealing with the lesson on POWERLESS – an acrostic on how we really need to depend on God and for God’s help with the issue… it looks at the past…
If only…. Only If…
Only if I had noticed _____ the _____ would/wouldn’t have happened
If only I had known _____ that day I wish I could take back my words
That time spent would have been successful only if _______
If only I had done this or only if I had seen this or only if I had been there or only if somebody had…
You get the idea…
With my mental health… If only I had talked to _____ or done ______ or not done _____ then maybe I wouldn’t have had my mental breakdown.…
(see true life confession at the bottom)
Hindsight is 20/20… We all make decisions we regret… A child thinks if only I hadn’t climbed that tree my arm wouldn’t have broken…
So do I how to deal with the “if only’s”…
It’s simple but incredibly hard…
- I repent
- I talk to God… prayer…
- I listen to God through Bible studying
- Learn from them my “if only or only if”…
- Ask God to help me to avoid doing it again
- I talk to my sponsor accountability partners
- I make amends
There will be consequences… (not judgements – boy tree > broken arm)
But also peace with God from spending time with God… Be still, and know that I am God Psalm 46:10
Phil 4:4-8 …Peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your heart in Christ Jesus…
Back to POWERLESS (CR acrostic)
P is pride yah… I had lots of pride… which lead to many “if only”
O Only if… It’s really easy for me to play the self-bashing game… Instead, I confess to God, He already knows what I did so what’s the benefit of hiding it, He can help me understand why and guides me to what I should do next time or to make amends with those who were affected by my actions…
Worry… Both backwards and forwards… Back… I can stay trapped in the past… Forward… Is God involved? So I just need to trust His plan (it’s called faith)
In going to end the acrostic here… Want to learn more? Find a Celebrate Recovery
Battling the if only or only if is better done with support…
Thinking about doing it does seem easy… It’s the application that is soooo hard…
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Okay that above is a battle plan… seems easy simple steps… I know the application is hard and I need the Holy Spirit to give me a nudge or a kick in the butt when I need to use it…
Honestly – it is what I want to do with my heart… that’s the God part of my life – but there is a carnal part of me that just SCREAMS to ignore it – excuse it away (excuse = the skin of truth stuffed with a lie), the self I have inside will distract me… I will think of ways to “justify” my reasoning to ______
The New Testament talks a lot about the sinful person I have inside… It can block the butt kicks… I might feel them or I have not listened long enough to the Spirit in me that I don’t feel them…
This was pretty much what happened in my life… I stopped listening to God… could I have avoided the mental health crisis? I don’t know that what I am dealing with is VERY physical – my brain is literally changed – why or how or ??? I’m not 100% sure… it’s a disease… why does someone end up being a diabetic? Was it one too many cookies or cakes? Could they have prevented it? Regardless…
Regardless – I am where I am… it wasn’t sudden – there were clues it was happening… it started early on in my life… it’s where I am… This is where God and I try hard to keep moving forward…
Besides….
If there isn’t a battle going on – there should be and I need to seek God again… life happens – living it is the hard part….
(CR… I have no affiliation with them other than acknowledging how profound a has changed my life)
Living with Depression as a Christian 
It is so refreshing to see an honest post about going thru depression. As a Christian I have always felt that depression was a sign of my weakness in serving God. That I somehow was failing Him and others. I have been so dependent on others in authority over me for approval that I have forgotten that my God has His hand of approval upon my life. I am so glad I am not alone in this battle called depression.