Monthly Archives: January, 2014

My Toolbox

After a couple of hard days, and thanks to the prayers of friends,  I find myself tonight sleep in a place dedicated to  helping adults overcome mental health issues…  Yesterday after working I was so fatigued in every sense that the darkness surrounded me and I wasn’t sure I could fight it off.  So at …

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The Slope

I find myself sitting on a slope.  I’m surrounded by a heavy darkness that is seeping into my soul…  Below me is a bottomless abyss. Above me is obscured by the darkness and I know it’s where I want to go…  Way above is THE ultimate goal,  namely heaven.  I alone sitting here…  Scared to …

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Confidence Comes in a Bottle

For now at least. that it the case for me… while my brain chemistry gets sorted out and better balanced, and I get used to the med adjustments I was prescribed today – my added level of confidence now comes in the form of a little sub-lingual pill… now to be taking daily – for …

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Distraction

Right now – that is what my basic day consists of – distracting myself from suicidal thoughts… playing video games – watching TV shows (usually not full episodes as I can’t handle watching a full episode)… more video games… Trying not to think about too many things as I can spiral down… and we know …

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Staff de-stigma-tization

Another day at work… but today when I got there we had a staff information meeting – and I divulged to them that I have mental health issues and I am being treated for them… Depression & Anxiety… and it wasn’t easy but I think it was needed… they got to hear how my back …

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Ping Pong…

That’s how I feel my life is right now – ping pong – and I’m the ball… getting hit from every which way – with no control and being thrown about by emotional upheaval… Today I had suicidal thoughts again… I had SOOO thought I was past those… I would be one of the ones …

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Show up and leave….

Today was my first time to go back to work… and I was wound up with the thoughts of going in… I had my counseling session (she graciously moved it up 2 days to deal with my anxiety) and had 1 big and 1 moderate anxiety attack – close together… she helped me through them… …

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What If It Does?

Today I had my first group – actually a pre-group group – while we sit on waiting lists waiting for our real group to start… apparently March or later? It went fairly well – and I will hold to my confidentiality and not say anything more… Then after I got home workplace health and I …

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Philosophical Rambling

Philosophical rambling… I have one question I am drawing a blank in answering… so I am going to through it out to the blogosphere… What does it mean to live?  And I don’t mean – heart pumping, lungs breathing… what does it mean to really live – to feel fully alive? The Bible has Jesus …

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Brighter day… Reflections… Muses

Today was about the busiest day I have since I hit rock bottom a couple of weeks ago… and it was a GOOD day… good meaning – no thoughts of suicide… no out of control anxiety… a meeting with a team and good 2 way communication… and no heavy crash and burn afterwards… Only 1 …

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