Remember Job?

Job 18:17 (NLT): All memory of their existence will fade from the earth,
No one will remember their names.

Job… The one man in the entire Bible who really had the right to complain…

I’m coming up on 5 years.. FIVE.. half a decade of being off work, 5 years ago I started dealing with a mental health crisis…

1, 2, 3 years seemed a long time and 4 just seemed to sneak in and out…

But 5? Five seems like the sinking of the Titanic!

I think we all want purpose in our lives… We like tangible accomplishments… Things we can sit back and say… See that? I was part of making that… Oh and over there? I did that myself! And say, you know that idea Jane had, I was involved with her planning that…

I know that I have an ego… I wanted to look back and see my creations…

This summer hubby and I had a big project, well big for us at least…

A total makeover of our yard… Grass (think weeds) gone… Gravel and patio in…

This project became very important to me for several reasons…

For the past decade I have dealt with some serious health issues and I actually couldn’t exercise for a few years (doctor’s report of proof)… When I lost a lot of weight I was able to regain some health…

Then there was the mental health aspect… Isolation… Depression… The suicidal thoughts, the massive anxiety attacks (so bad I would not wish them on anyone)… Even last summer I could not have participated as I have…

And hubby… My faithful hubby… He has some medical owies he just lives with… So when we took on this project I chose to do as much as I physically could to spare him as much as possible…

One of my health issues was a brain injury 20+ years ago… Mix in mental health and I can get overwhelmed or confused… I can have troubles with linear thinking… And I am a 100% well, maybe 95% klutz…

My klutz showed up big time last night… I really wanted to do one step of the makeover myself… And it just wasn’t happening… hubby came to the rescue… and boom… I started crying… And I rarely cry… My thinking started to swirl… I was frustrated and upset and feeling like an idiot… Like a failure (yet again)…

A talk with hubby and text session with a friend helped…

They reminded me of all the positive changes… It’s so easy to remember only the negative…

Physically I’ve been working on the klutz stuff for 2 or so years with a kinesiologist and there have been big improvements… Especially in the past 2 months… I couldn’t have done as much as I have on this project even 3 months ago…

I have survived the darkest days… I still deal with mental health but I’m not at a crisis anymore (accept for a few pity parties now and then)…

Matthew 24:35 (NIV): Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away…

God is what I need…

God’s words are full of love of faith of hope… Of compassion or grace… Of healing…

They may not be tangible outside, but they are real enough inside…

Oh and Job?

Everyone does remember his name. His 3 “friends” were clueless men who thought they were spiritual giants… We only remember them as idiots…

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