Gollum or God

Isaiah 40:3 Listen! It’s the voice of someone shouting,
“Clear the way through the wilderness for the Lord!
Make a straight highway through the wasteland for our God!

When I read this, I thought of Frodo and Samwise Gamgee trying to navigate through the marshland with Gollum in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy…

With my mental health, at times it can seem like I’m in a marsh with dense fog, strange sounds and in an uncharted area of my life…

The proclamation of Isaiah that God is making a straight highway is a massive relief… I prefer God as my guide and certainly not Gollum!

Now, this path isn’t conditional… It’s not just possible or probable… It IS already made!

I have found that when I have turned to God at various times in my life, He is not just always there, but there with a perfect pathway… A chance to step off of the madness/spiral I have found myself dealing with…

In May of 2014 my life was spinning down and there wasn’t much further it could go… I found myself flat on my back looking up… And there He was… And there was His path, a straight path I chose to take it… Not always easy… Sometimes He carries me… Other times He walks beside me and often I follow Him and He’s always and I mean always got my back…

If I don’t see God… It’s my fault… I’ve put a curve in His straight road…

Now, to people who haven’t personally dealt with a long term mental health illness (MDD, GAD, BPD) stepping off the spiral isn’t just a tiptoe step… Think more like trying to keep from getting sucked out of an open airplane door like you see in the movies… It’s not always that severe but at times it feels that way…

There were times when I didn’t look up… When I wasn’t even thinking about God… I was following Gollum as his was the voice I heard…

But when I finally did choose to listen to God…

Psalm 116:1-2 (NLT) I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!

Luke 4:18-19 (NLT) “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the Lord’s favor has come

I’ve had my oppression set free… But it is still a daily battle with my mental health… The oppression is never far away… Is it because of a lack of faith? No… Is it a punishment for my sins? No… This side of heaven I may never fully know… My theory is God is allowing me to keep it real…

For instance… If you break your arm you understand pain! A few years later your friend breaks their arm and you remember it hurt but in truth you only remember it really hurt but the actual intensity, the level of pain doesn’t return… It doesn’t truly feel like you just re-broke your arm…

I have come an incredibly long way in the past 4+ years but not all the way… I still struggle… I do my best to keep on the straight path… I stumble and get off into a ditch… I’m walking with – SQUIRREL! (I lose my focus)… Life gets busy… Life gets “easier” so I rely less on God, just like the Israelites did over and over again…

But God and His straight path are always there… I just need to make sure I’m walking with Him daily…

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