The Silence of the Grave

Psalm 94:17–19 (NLT): Unless the Lord had helped me,
I would soon have settled in the silence of the grave.
I cried out, “I am slipping!”
but your unfailing love, O Lord, supported me.
When doubts filled my mind,
your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.

In early 2014 I found myself well… lost… These verses literally ring true for me…

In May of 2014 I was as low as someone can go without being dead… And I had tried one way… Suicide note written… The attempt obviously failed but the will to live hadn’t rushed in either…

The silence is the grave was close at hand… And I can quote Psalm 94:17-19 as my gospel truth…

But God did come in an unexpected way through the pending death of a friend (yes, ironic – God does have a sense of humor)… I took that step one needs to make… The 180 turn and He was there…

It’s been 4 years and today I can truthfully say God has been here… The road has been up and down… Life is never stagnant… And never should be… I went from mountain tops to deep dark dungeons… often stuck in the dungeons for extended periods of time…

Now I’m in a pleasent valley… I’m tucked under the shadow of His wing… His rod and His staff have been guiding and leading me… I wouldn’t say I’m in the valley of the shadow of death… It’s more like

Psalm 1:3 (NLT): They are like trees planted along the riverbank,
bearing fruit each season.

Psalm 3:3–5 (NLT): But you, O Lord, are a shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high.
I cried out to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy mountain.

I lay down and slept, yet I woke up in safety, for the Lord was watching over me.

I started giving everything up to God…

But know this…

IT WASN’T SNAP THE FINGERS AND ALL IS PERFECT

Today it is still a battle… Knowing it is a battle is actually good… Recently at church our pastor actually stated that if you aren’t in a battle then Satan has nothing to worry about with you… And that is a horrible realization…

I battle the normal Christan fights… Remembering to pray, doing devotions, spending intimate time with God everyday…

I also deal with the ever present mental health war… And war it is…

2 Corinthians 10:3–5 (NLT): We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.

It is a battle of the mind for everyone… For some just more intently…

When I’m doing well and everything is tickity-boo can actually be the worst time… I become self-reliant… I don’t catch the slow sliding down until I can’t help but notice…

It’s a teeter-totter that needs to be balanced… I can’t do it alone… I have inside help (the Holy Spirit), wordly help (friends and family) and not wordly help (angels and Jesus and God)…

My friend did pass away a short time later… Then about 2 or so years later I met up with his wife… I asked her if she realized that his dying and my attending his life celebration (last bucket list – 60th bday party) [which was held at the hospital where I was admitted to the psych ward] had saved my life… When I went to give my best wishes, another friend talked to me and told me about Celebrate Recovery… Attending CR ultimately effected turn turning back to God and begin my healing process…

She hugged me tight and said a few times over,with tears streaming down her cheek, I knew there was a reason…I knew there was a reason…

God spoke to me and the silence was broken…

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1 Comment

  1. Tony Roberts

    A beautiful reflection on life, and death, and the journey in between.

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