Casts and the Grand Canyon

With mental health our moods can fluctuate not only day to day but hour to hour… With Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) it can seem to change in a minute…

There is a fine balance between needing support services and relying on our support network and sometimes we fudge it a bit…

So let me try to explain what I mean like this…

Think if it as you broke your leg. During the first week people come see you… They bring casseroles, cookies… But by week 3, thankfully, you are in less pain but not yet healed… The cast is still there and you’re not ready to use your leg… The doctor says it’s going to take time even after the cast comes off… You think back to the first week when you still had help. Now, it’s nearly impossible to have dinner on the couch while using crutches… You still need help… What would you be tempted to maybe do?

In Mental Health it’s much the same but potential dire circumstances…

In some way we hide that we are doing a bit better because we are scared that the help or people will move on and the support will cease. We know we are still not overall better… We are very – frightened, vulnerable, raw, feeling exposed, terrified…

Other than using our voice or our body language There is NO WAY people can see or measure where we are in our healing… Often we aren’t really sure…

We just know we are not ready so be set free so we stay a little bit in pity mode or hide that we might be doing better – one day you are doing better and the next day you aren’t… and if possible people only catch you on good days, having just missed the last 5 horrible days… Yah

We fear that massive dark hole we fought so hard to get to where we are… It’s akin to us to getting to stand on the Grand Canyon sky walk… We are thrilled we have achieved getting out there… However the reality is… We still have to walk through the rest of the canyon…

There will be a point where we can handle it in our own… We’re just not there yet…

Finally and through exhaustive efforts we got to where we are… Hanging by our whole hand… Not by our finger tips…

After a cast comes off the leg it’s clear that over time the leg will keep getting better and in a few weeks or months it is back to normal…

No such possiblity exists with, mental health, with out Divine Intervention… our brain is damaged and won’t heal…

So be patient and understanding… Keep praying, and remember that we will have days where getting out of bed is the goal of the day… to other days where we go and enjoy the sunshine and walk around… Then isolating the next day…

Praying… That’s the best medicine… So is a cup of tea to let us know we indeed have a support network…

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