Remorse Choice

From today’s devotions…

Good people receive the same treatment as sinners, and people who make promises to God are treated like people who don’t… God decides… Not us…

___________

Comparing the guilt of Judas and Peter on the last night before Jesus crucified…

It’s the same 24 hours and both men show they no longer have enough faith in Jesus…

Judas, I’ve read, had been looking at an army general who would free the Jews once and for all… When Jesus didn’t fit that mould, Judas betrayed him for 30 coins of silver…

Peter… One of the chosen… A servant of Jesus… One of the 12! Impulsive! Ready to take on the world! Denied Jesus 3x as predicted…

When Judas realizes what he has done, tries to return the coins but they won’t take them back…

When Peter hears the rooster crow he leaves and weeps bitterly…

Two different ways… Judas tries to fix it himself and when he can’t he hangs himself… He is defendent, judge and juror…

Peter cries bitterly looking for forgiveness…

Judas realizes his sin and then with remorse tries to put everything back to how it had been… Self-reliant trying to fix everything… Still proud… And this is what lead to his death…

Peter also realized his pride and was truly remorseful and unlike Judas, he looked to God to help him…

There is a scene in Gilmore Girls (Season 2 episode 21) where Rory misses her mom’s graduation and when she finally catches up with her she starts listing all the punishments she should have…

With mental health I can get to a self-down talking time with the flick of a switch… I’m free from self-hating (Thank you God!)… But I’m still working on self-worth. When it was self-hating… it was bring out the guillotine!

It’s easy for me to start listing all the punishments I deserve to make it up and free from my guilt… This is also self-reliance… And it’s pride in disguise… That I can punish myself better than God…

I am declaring that Jesus DIDN’T NEED to die as I can decide what I need to make everything right again SINLESS!?!?!?!?!?

SERIOUSLY

Instead I try to catch early when this is happening… I try to keep a short accounting with God… But often it takes me a while… Journalling is a good way for me to figure it out… If I haven’t journaled for a few days it’s time to see why…

John 1:9 But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.

Psalms 65:3 Though we are overwhelmed by our sins,
you forgive them all…

I have family and friends who can notice changes and keep me accountable… It doesn’t always work like a light switch but when the light comes back on, I get to look at everything God wants me to deal with..

Oh, the absolutely worst punishment that Satan whispers is that God no longer wants me… I’m too damaged… So I better try to win God’s favor… Deal with all my sins first…

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