And Then It Wasn’t

Jesus quotes Isaiah:

Matt 15:8-9 These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship is a farce, for they teach man-made ideas as commands from God.”Their hearts are far from me”

Their hearts are far from me…

This was me… The “Sunday Christian” who hadn’t actually attended Church for a long while, maybe 2-3 years (maybe next week, I’m tired, God gets it) Ready to give advice to those poor people who just didn’t understand God…

Hey! I was raised in church… Taught Sunday school at age 13, baptized at age 12… I had won any Bible Verse challenge, I could have told you how many colors were in Joseph’s coat!

I was super-christian!

It was all about me…

And then it wasn’t

My mental health crisis came…

Matt 15:8-9 (edited) I honored God with my lips, but my heart was far from God. My (me) worship was a farce, for I teach man-made (my-own) ideas as commands from God. Their [my] hearts are far from me [God]…

My world as I knew it barely existed… I still had family… But that was about it… Everything else was gone. I would be admitted to a residential care facility and hospital (multiple times in a 2 year span) to try to figure out a med combination… They would tell me when to take it, they would tell me when to go to bed, get up, eat… They established a routine for me… Which I needed… That’s how whacked my world had become…

I had been seeking my self-worth away from God… I was proud of my worldly achievements… .when things went according to my plan… It was thank you God! Even though I hadn’t really prayed about… But I could pretend that God and I were best friends…

When my plans didn’t work out, well I guess it just wasn’t in God’s plan… God being my scapegoat…

I wasn’t devoted to God. No prayers (except fox hole), no Bible study, no church attendance…

Even with my mental health crisis…

GOD WAS NOT EVEN THOUGHT OF

until someone reminded me to think of God and we re-started attending… About 7 (SEVEN) months after my suicidal attempt had started…

Someone told me about Celebrate Recovery... I could attend with out shame or stigma… I was welcomed… I could be myself as I truly was… Not as I thought or wanted to be… The me right now…

Now… It’s all about God and my life through Him (as it’s supposed to be)

Do I think my lack of faith and being out of touch with God is why I had my meltdown? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

God does NOT punish us… However the consequences of man’s freewill can make it seem that way…

Looking back I’ve been dealing with mental health issues my entire life without grasping these facts…

Now ask me would it have it been different if my faith has been stronger? ABSOLUTELY YES!

There were signs along the way which were missed…

It wasn’t until I started seeking God that I finally started to heal… I was totally lost and sinking into a dark void… The one we all have inside that only God can fill…

So based on that fact and my walk with God today? Yes it would have been different…

John 15:5 Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing…

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1 Comment

  1. God is so wonderful to lead us back to faith when we have turned away from Him.

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