Train Trestle

For people without mental health issues, here is an attempt to help you understand a bit in the about mental health: 

It’s like waking up on a train trestle over a deep cavern … On a dark night with no moon… You have no idea how to move safely… Go left or right… Here you aren’t falling…  How you arrived here doesn’t matter… It’s where you simply are…This why people can isolate…  Everything is black… No where to go… at times simply stepping off into the void seems the best way…for everyone… family and friends… Your pain will end and “so will theirs”… (During the first 2 years I had written 2 suicide notes and planned my funeral… I also knew how I was going to die. My first attempt wasn’t thought though enough but I have others that I have no intention of using)

How did I get off the trestle? What changed… Well I was pretty much stuck and the only way I could look was was to the light.. So slowly I took a small step… towards God’s light… For me it was at the mention of Celebrate Recovery…

I had to believe that God could restore me to my sanity… Step 2 of a 12 step program…

12 step? Was I an alcoholic or drug user? No… I was hurting deep inside and my choice was heal or keep in the dark where… Well you know…

Celebrate Recovery, a Christian based 12 step, uses the Beatitudes (Matt 5) with a regular 12 step and healing begins… It’s not a quick fix… And for me it was my lifeline… And for many, many others…

CR gave me the light I needed to get off of the train trestle by teaching me truths…

I’m still not who I was before… And that’s ok… the old me left me I left on the trestle…

On the not so good days I still have… I can look back and see how hard it was to get off the trestle… A few hard days and I will be heading back towards the trestle if I’m not careful… 

Why would I be heading that way?

  • My routine is off (new one needed or careful attention needed)
  • Something physiologically has changed (akin to someone fine one day and the next needing an appendectomy)
  • Hormonal changes
  • Stress (death in the family, money issues)

Some situations I can adjust but others I cannot. For this I have already made a list of what I should do… 

I have a strong network of family and friends… A lot I have found at CR…

So friends and family of loved ones who battle mental health…

Find out if they have a survival plan. Phone numbers, family and suicide &/or phone numbers (they don’t need to be suicidal to call).

Activities/distractions they can use…

Make sure they not only have it but also have it in a prominent location…

Sometimes I though, all we need is a hug and no words….

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3 Comments

  1. I am so glad you got the help you needed! Living with depression is hard enough for people and it can be a very taboo subject, but it is even worse for those who are Christians. But God knows your struggles and I pray he will lead you to people who will be gracious with you and help you maintain victory over this horrible affliction.

    • sryall

      God our healer… By His stripes we are healed…

  2. Thank you so so so much for sharing. Having completed Celebrate Recovery myself I have learned so much about freedom and a whole lot about letting go. I am hoping that we can spread the news about Celebrate Recovery! Would you humbly consider following my blog as I do so?

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