Smiling with Tears

As I’m listening to Christan music and Chris Tomlin’s I Will Rise starts playing…

And immediately I find myself smiling with tears…

This was the sung while pictures of dad at his celebration of his life were being watched…

But today…
My father, my dad, my pops flashes into my mind… In his wheelchair with his diminished capabilities… the result of two accidents…

My tears are briefly of grief and then my vision changes to him rising from his wheelchair… jumping out of his in to his new fully restored body…

“And I will rise when He calls my name, No more sorrow, No more pain”

Pop, while I still miss you… I’m smiling with my tears because I know where you are and are now free… It brings me comfort and peace… God will orchestrate us all there in His time.

My integrity today…

  • allowing my emotions, myself to grieve… Tears are not very common (BPD)
  • Not freaking out… Not a food binge… Taking it to God and working through it…(anxiety)
  • Using Christian music to soothe my spirit

Aside from this it’s been a hard mental health day… But with God and HS nudges I’m getting through it…

My check box list is good enough…

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