Learning to Learn & Coconuts

God’s will… something as a Christian I strive to do… I really do want to… I try to seek out His plan for me… and then when I think I have it – I try to do it… and many times fail.

As someone with mental health issues it can be very overwhelming. My anxiety goes up, my perfectionism jumps to the front of the line, fear of failure and with BPD inside I’m already planning an escape route because I just know I will mess up. I will disappoint people (again) and they will never want to be around me… Well I think you are seeing where I am going with this… I don’t even know where to start – I freeze or I fly…

During a devotional I came across Psalm 143:73 & then I had an epiphany!

Psalm 143:73 You made me; you created me.
Now give me the sense to follow your commands*

I had it backwards when it came to my thinking about doing God’s will! I was trying to do it by myself and then give it to God saying here it is but instead of being done properly it’s messed up (yup – see I’m too messed up – I’m a loser – I can’t do anything right – I bet God is ashamed of me)….

I needed to first learn how to learn God’s will…

okay – let me explain…

In God’s will say I’m going start using coconuts for making wonderful deserts for church meetings . It’s a way to serve in my church but the problem is when I get a coconut I don’t know what to do with it… I know I need to get it open – but how? I’ts hard – so maybe I need to bash it with my fists… try #2 run over it with my car… #3 drop it from the upper window of my house… #4 I use a drill and finally at least get the liquid out… but not the meat…

So how do I finally learn? I need to ask God to teach me so I can use the entire coconut both the milk and the meat and He shows me. So now I have learned and have the coconut skill ready to go!  Learn #1 accomplished

Now I need to use the readied coconut as God wants me to. What recipes does He chooses. There are so many out there – but I know that I can trust God to give me the correct one He wants me to use. Learn #2 accomplished

Hopefully I’ve explained it well enough that you and I need to learn to be able to learn. God won’t ask us to do more that we can handle – He will stretch us and we will accomplish more than we could ever hope to… we will grow in our faith… which brings us into better relationship with Him – and then He are assigned something else and God gives us what we need to…

*Tyndale House Publishers. (2013). Holy Bible: New Living Translation (Ps 119:73). Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.

 Edit*** From my devotions

 I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed. 


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