The Slope

I find myself sitting on a slope.  I’m surrounded by a heavy darkness that is seeping into my soul…  Below me is a bottomless abyss. Above me is obscured by the darkness and I know it’s where I want to go…  Way above is THE ultimate goal,  namely heaven. 

I alone sitting here…  Scared to move as if I step wrong I will slide down…  I know there are ways to climb but I don’t have the skills… 

Even sitting here there are rumblings which can cause the ground to shift… The rumblings are the voices I hear in my mind…  All the negative talk that continually swirls around…  I try to distract myself so I won’t hear them…  But that only lasts for so long… 

Mentally I can’t utter positive talk to myself…  Every time I even think of one I feel a kick to my gut… And the words get stuck then disapate unspoken… 

Right now I just want to fall asleep wishing I can wake up in heaven….  Which is why I’m at the ER as I realize I still need help… My faithful husband is sitting beside me for support… 

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