Right now – that is what my basic day consists of – distracting myself from suicidal thoughts… playing video games – watching TV shows (usually not full episodes as I can’t handle watching a full episode)… more video games…

Trying not to think about too many things as I can spiral down… and we know where that leads… I know I need a medication adjustment – I see a psychiatrist tomorrow morning… that’s about all I have hope in right now…

Cognitively – I know this is a “phase”… and it won’t always be this way… but boy do those words sound hollow when you are at the bottom looking up… the brain can come up with so many ways to argue against says like that… there is no time line here – no, in 2 days your life will magically be wonderful again…

I know that the anxiety is helping to drive up the suicide levels… today I sucked it up and went with hubby to a bike show – he likes his bikes – and we had free tickets – so a cheap date… we got through about 3/4 of it  and wham! anxiety hit… I HAD to get out of there… it was beyond irritated… the closest I have come to actual panic- EVER! And you can guess what that did to my mood!!

Now that my anxiety is down – I will try to adjust the pictures I took… I’m still working on NOT using the auto settings – so learning by trying… some of my beach photos were way over exposed from Friday… these ones look better…Bike show 2014

1 Comment

  1. Hope tomorrow’s appointment goes well. Take care.

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