Show up and leave….

Today was my first time to go back to work… and I was wound up with the thoughts of going in… I had my counseling session (she graciously moved it up 2 days to deal with my anxiety) and had 1 big and 1 moderate anxiety attack – close together… she helped me through them…

I saw my GP and together we came up with a graduated return to work plan for the next few weeks… and today it was to start… 2 hours… that’s all I had to get through…

If someone had said a year ago that I would be suffering from anxiety I would have said they were nuts!! Now it looks like I’m the one who is nuts…

While I was talking to my GP my leg was bouncing – so I was already getting wound up… then I had to drive to work… I finally decided that taking an Ativan dose would be a good thing… help to take the edge off… and it did just that… it was a bit awkward for a few moments then someone from the department across the hall had a question to ask me – so I was removed momentarily – when I returned I faxed off my GP’s note to workplace health – then I went to do Holter scanning… something I enjoy doing – it is task specific, methodical and in a quiet place…. I didn’t have interaction with patients… today was just about showing up for 2 hours and contributing…

Driving home I was really wound up… leg bouncing… feeling nauseous… adrenaline running I’m thinking… it was nice to pull into the driveway… get greeted by Sherman and hubby… and get a hug from hubby…

Happy Sherman

Happy Sherman

Thursday I go back for 2 hours… and there will also be an education session for my coworkers on depression, anxiety & aphasia… workplace health will be there as will a union steward who deals with those returning to work… so while I will likely feel somewhat exposed – I will have support there…

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